10 Ways To Survive the Holidaypocalypse

There Are Two Types of People

I’m the latter. As a lizard-person who is sensitive to cold and over-stimulation, the festivities feel like being forced to watch 13-year-olds play Fortnight with non-stop pop-up ads, while listening to Baby Shark on repeat.

For those who love December holidays: I salute you, my good friends. Carry on.

For everyone else, keep reading.

10 Ways to Survive the Holidaypocalypse

  1. Stock up on books. If you can’t change the reality of what’s out there, you can at least escape it. And oh my! It just so happens that I have a lovely free ebook promotion to offer you. What excellent timing! Scifi and fantasy books, all written by women, and all free. Let’s consider it my gift to you.

2. Speaking of gifts, don’t exchange them. They’re exciting for kids, but I firmly believe that adults do not need to spend ridiculous amounts of money to surprise someone with something that they probably don’t want. And yet there’s such a feeling of guilt and pressure when it comes to giving and receiving Christmas gifts.

Instead, when gift talk comes up, tell your family or friends that you’d rather take them out for dinner or a lovely afternoon at a nice cafe/pub. Experiences and memories are better than things.

3. Go full hygge. Seasonal affective disorder sucks, so let’s take care of ourselves by embracing the snug. Hygge (pronounced “hoo-ga”) is a Danish and Norwegian word for a mood of coziness and comfortable conviviality with feelings of wellness and contentment.

(ya, you tell ’em Jon Snow)

Get dollar store candles and light them all the time. Buy or propagate a jungle of indoor plants (I recommend pothos, snake plant and peace lily). Eat childhood treats (like grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup). Get a heated blanket (or several). 

Take a cue from Danielle in “Teeth”, and wrap yo’ fine self with chonky sweatpants that make your ass look, flat but feels like baby angels are hugging your thighs. Choose board games over screens in the evening. Start a special journal. Eat fondue (cheese, chocolate or oil). If it’s cozy, and comforting, it’s a ‘yes’!

4. Take epsom hell baths (baths hot enough to summon a demon in). I swear they’re the only way I can feel fully warm all winter (like I said, lizard-person). If your bathtub is the lovely builder-basic american type that leaves your boobs and knees freezing and your tailbone bruised, invest in a portable soaker tub on Amazon. I have one, and it’s GLORIOUS.

(I’ve never rubbed flower petals on my face while in the bath, but I can confirm the emotional accuracy of the model)

5. If marijuana is legal where you live… stock up. Just sayin’.

6. Start a fun, bizarre tradition for December. Christmas dinner is technically a tradition, but it’s also a gateway to homicide. In Casa Judd, we like to bust out our zombie video games and get to pwning. My husbando and I got Left 4 Dead for Christmas one year, and had so much fun playing that we decided to do it every year. I’m sure we could draw psychological connections between Christmas insanity and zombies, but that’s way too high-brow for this email.

If undead video games aren’t your thing, I also have a friend who set out tents and sleeping bags in their living room to ‘camps out’ with the kids.Traditions should be meaningful, enjoyable and give you a sense of calm happiness.

7. More sexy-times. Good for the body (stay safe!), good for the mind (consent is sexy!), and a good way to get warm.

8. Find something enjoyable that gets you outdoors. I don’t like skating (falling on ice hurts) or tobogganing (ten minutes of trekking up a hill for 30 seconds of bruising your ass). But cross-country skiing is just my speed. It’s like taking a walk in nature, only glidy-er. We also have a dogsled and harnesses to take our doggo out (I did mention I was Canadian, right?). The point is that you need to get outside for high-quality oxygen and vitamin D.

9. Take vitamin D. Lack of sun + less time outside = vitamin D deficiency. According to Healthline, signs of deficiency include “tiredness, aches and pains, and a general sense of not feeling well“. It fights disease, reduces depression, and studies have shown that vitamin D (taken with calcium) has an appetite-suppressing effect.

10. See Number 1, because books are always the answer. Read them under your hygge blanket, or listen to an audiobook in your hell bath.

I hope these give you some ideas. Or at least a laugh or two. Let me know how you survive the holidays, or just winter in general since we still have January and February to get through.

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